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From Blue Sleighty’s new series:
“How to Love Your Lesbian From Her Head to Her Toes.”
"Sex alone can not make a great sex life."
Please remember that I try to add a little humor to my articles, and I am not trying to offend anyone. Sometimes my jokes go over like a lead balloon. Love and hugsxoxoxoxblue
Warning: Kissing can start fires.
On the mornings when I kiss my girlfriend standing in the middle of the kitchen when she is on her way to work, she is frequently late and often comes home for lunch. Lips are very sensitive. When I brush her lips with mine it is indescribable. Soft, but firm. Full. Warm. And when we kiss (Yes. I know it sounds corny.) it ignites passion. Soft. Gently, softly, sucking- and the way her silky tongue feels twisting with mine turns me on. I’m writing this as I think about sending Jag on her way to work this morning. Today. Wet. Hot. I’ve already talked to her 5 times today. It is almost 3. She left at 9. We have been together almost 3 years. It just keeps getting better.
It has been my experience that the lesbian movies on the market have had a profound affect upon lesbian lovemaking and kissing. People have to seek information somewhere, and apparently in an effort to find examples of how to have sex, many lesbians sought instructional information and guidance for lovemaking and kissing from bad porno films geared towards male entertainment.
I am not saying that ALL lesbians have been influenced. I am saying that in MY experience, it is obvious that there has been a great influence on some women and that if women could understand that what a man thinks is sexy looking is not a consideration when making love with another woman.
My observations include the following:
-Excessive moaning that sounds like the makings of a fake orgasm. When I am making love with a woman and she is making obvious efforts to make a lot of noise, I am pretty certain that she is more concerned with what I think she feels than what she REALLY feels. And that’s darned distracting. It is best to relax and stop trying to control your situation. Be still unless you really mean it.
The first time that I performed oral sex on a woman, I asked her not to make ANY noise (after she had been doing the moaning thing for a while). She asked me how I would know that she was enjoying it if she did not writhe and moan. I told her if she wasn’t enjoying it, we would be doing something else. Five minutes later she experienced her first orgasm by oral sex (she had been married for 6 years). I promise you. I could tell she enjoyed it. And I felt like I had just won the Olympics. Making her come was so gratifying to me that it stands out in my memory to the point where even after over 20 years, I still think about it at least for a moment every day of my life. (that was Bette for those of you that read the stories)
- This weird forward-facing-cheek-to-cheek “thing” with tongues sticking out of the mouth and “sword fighting” sideways. A lot of moaning and saying ‘aaaaahhhh!!’ and all of that. Yuck. Not for ME.
- The tongue down the throat with no lips e’er to meet. Just tongue. Trying to breathe with a tongue down your throat. And, of course the person shoving her tongue into your mouth is pretty certain that she’s got great kissing down, girl! And she knows that bigger is better, so she makes it big, long and HARD for you! mmmwwwOh, yeah! (And apparently she has an alternative breathing device and she is NOT sharing. Because she is getting along just fine as you try to figure out how to breathe through your tear ducts. MmmmmmMMMMmmhh!!!). Very sexy (right). But, as I have been told- most women don’t like that.
- Making a huge and rather disgusting deal about “streamers” under fluorescent lighting with dirty feet and / or stiletto heels. Very classy.
- What about “face sitting”? Now- this is just a personal thing. But-it makes it hard work to pleasure your girlfriend and no one can relax. ‘Bottom’ has to do serious tongue stretching while your partner up ‘top’ has to master balancing above your face at just the right distance and remembering that if it ever feels good- not to grind herself onto your mouth and smother you to death. Just an FYI. No judgment on those that love it.
Granted, to some degree a little of this and that is EXCITING but the extreme and obsessive attention to this checklist of classic lesbian techniques can be, well, exhausting and far from sexy.
So- how about relaxing?
I LOVE kissing. For hours.
( I had a world wide conference with the best lesbian kissers known to womankind (I happen to belong to the club) and we have thoroughly discussed the issue (thus the delay in writing this article) and ascertained the exact reasons people like to kiss us. And the reasons lay in the way we do it. So- here is an attempt to tell you without showing you.)
It takes willingness to agree on a style that suits you and your partner, and that may mean that you have to consider a new way to kiss all together. “Open-ness” is essential in pursuit of great kissing. If you learned how to kiss by watching lesbian porn- lose it. It is not sexy.
When my current girlfriend and I started kissing, I actually moved her head and chin to what I felt was a better way to kiss. She is always willing to learn something new and soon agreed with me whole heartedly.
Your lips should be somewhat relaxed and fit with your lover in such a way to make enough of a seal to cause a soft suction. Your tongue and hers should meet tentatively and slowly and decide where to go from there. The possibilities of which should be savored and explored. Take the time to actually notice how her lips feel and how the warmth of your mouths feel together and the soft satin of her tongue tangling with your own sends a jolt of electricity and a rush of blood straight to your clit. Feel her heart begin to pound. Do not be in a hurry.
Breathe through your nose.
While the mouth is great for kissing, what gets us into trouble is talking. Talking during sex can be very good. I mean when we are OUT of bed.
Always remember that the sweet things that you say will be forgotten, but the rotten things that you say out of anger will never be forgotten and will have a permanent affect on your relationship.
Think before you speak and hold your tongue when you are angry.
(I am going to do an article about how to fight fair very soon.)
Violence in lesbian relationships is commonplace and epidemic in it’s frequency among lesbian couples. Do not add fuel to the fire with your mouth. When angry- never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.
Also- do not talk incessantly about past relationships. At least at first. Or, NEVER if it makes your girlfriend uncomfortable. No point provoking jealousy. Jealousy often leads to violence.
If your relationship does not already have it- hopefully you will develop trust that will include the ability to communicate without resenting and experiencing jealousy over your partner’s past.
Lies also come out of the mouth. Never lie. Withholding is better than lying. But- having an honest relationship is awesome. Sometimes it hurts- but it is worth it. Keeping up with lies is stressful and simply not worth it.
Sometimes we try to appear to be something we are not to make us appear more desirable. It is not worth it to have to fake it along. Honesty and humbleness is better.
Make sure you brush your teeth and keep your breath fresh.
*****We will cover oral sex in my next article.******
Stay tuned for
my next article-
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