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Goodbye, Heartache
© My Secret Obsession (


"BLUE!," my roommate, Dee, was yelling at me. "BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE!," and then, SMACK!! She HIT me!

"OUCH! BITCH! WHAT THE HELL!?," I fought off her assault, and tried to think. Why is she hitting me, again? Oh, yes. She's concerned.

There was a huge lump in my throat. And, in an instant, my alcohol induced amnesia subsided, and let the memory of what I was having trouble accepting, flood back into my heart and mind.

I was a FOOL. I was an idiot. I was broken hearted over someone who I had only just met. And, I was being weak, and indulging in self pity. And, I had been like this for almost two weeks.

My roommate was getting very annoyed with me.

"Blue. Honey. You've got to get up off of your ASS, girl. You have been drunk for almost two weeks. You look HORRIBLE. I mean, I can't even believe this is YOU. You don't even KNOW this girl. WHY are you letting this thing that happened with her, get to you, like this?"

I got up off of the floor, where, sometime hours before, I had passed out listening to music, and drinking wine, and trying to analyze what the hell had happened. Why? Why? Why?

Dee could never understand what I was feeling. I wasn't so sure that I understood, myself. Alone. I am a loner who tires of being alone. And, sometimes, once in a blue moon- someone comes along that I "fit" with. And, I let myself have hopes, this time.

I felt so sorry for myself that I choked back tears.

I had met a wonderful, sexy woman. We made love together in a way that I had never dreamed possible. We really connected. I really liked her. She was knowledgeable and loved to talk about books, and music and IDEAS. And, she was so relaxed, and easy going. We had spent one very nice night together, and part of the next day. (for more about THAT, read, And the Morning Comes Around) I had enjoyed it so much, and I was certain that Joie, had enjoyed it, too. Everything was going so well. I thought.

And, then, she fled. She literally ran out of my home, saying that I was MAD. And, I still do not know WHY. And, I don't know if she meant mad, like crazy, or, mad, like angry.

My roommate, and I, did a thorough inspection of the premises, and have not ever been able to figure out what happened, why she left, or why she stated that I was "mad".

And, I was so bewildered and disappointed, that I allowed myself to sink into a terrible depression. I had spent the last two weeks drinking too much, and feeling sorry for myself.

"Blue," I can't let you continue like this," Dee said. "I'm going to have to do something, if you don't stop it." Dee was a cop. And, at that particular moment, she was in uniform. She was a menacing 5' 2" inches tall. I wondered what time it was. Dee was a rookie. She had just graduated from the police academy. And, she always had terrible schedules. And, I had lost track of time, days ago.

"Oh, yeah?," I scoffed. "and, just what do you think you are going to do?," I challenged. "Fuck you. Fucking midget."

I walked towards the refrigerator, deciding that I would have another beer, just out of spite. Telling me what to do seldom gets the desired results, when I'm being a horse's ass. And, I was definitely being one, at this time. I looked at the clock on the microwave. 5:30. A.M.? I wasn't sure.

I popped open the bottle of beer, turned it up, and drank half of it down. I glared at Dee. She had a little smirk on her face. I didn't like that little smirk. Fuck her.

I had to piss. I wandered off towards my bedroom, and used my own bathroom.

I was wearing men's silk boxer shorts, in a nice leopard print, and a black silk tee shirt. My favorite lounging wear, when I could get away with it.

I could hear something going on out in the living area. Maybe someone had come to visit Dee. I wasn't sure. But, there were some soft, muffled noises, like they were concerned about being quiet. And, THAT, made ME suspicious.

I finished answering the call, and decided I should go and see what was up.

When I opened my bathroom door, face to face, or, in this case, my face to their CHESTS, I was greeted by two HUGE men, dressed in black. In my own bedroom. I gasped, in shock and surprise, and uncertainty, and fear. I thought I was going to have a heart attack, before they got a chance to kill me, if that's what they had on their minds. Each man grabbed one of my arms, and they yanked me out into the floor. The sun was just coming up. The soft rays of the first light of dawn streaming through the cracks in my curtains afforded my eyes just enough light to make out the faces of my apprehenders.

Oh, shit, I thought. My ass is grass for sure. The faces belonged to the nice young men that used to come around here, and study, with Dee. WHEN SHE WAS IN THE POLICE ACADEMY.

Dee was laughing her ass off. "HAH! We've got your ass, now, Blue! Fuck, WHO? Tell me, now, Blue. Fuck WHO??!!"

The officers were not releasing their grip. Nor were they talking.

Dee barked orders "Take her out the front door!"

The officers did as they were told, lifting me like I was weightless, each man with a hand under one of my arm pits, and keeping MY hands and elbows immobilized, with their other hands. They faced forward, but I faced backwards.

"What the hell, Dee? Where are they taking me?" I protested. I really wasn't too worried, though.

"Wherever the hell I tell them to take you, asshole. They wouldn't have passed their exams, had it not been for ME. I was the only one in my class, who had a degree. They OWE me, girl. Now. What to do with Blue? Hmmm. Let me think. Oh, well, Blue, I thought you might like going for a little swim." Dee was laughing. She was really enjoying this. which pissed me off royally.

"For a swim? Where are we going for a swim, Dee? We have no pool." We had a great jacuzzi, but no pool. "And, surely you know that I will kick your ass, at my first available opportunity, should you foolishly choose to execute this plan, whatever it may be." I don't know who I thought I was fooling.

"Mrs. Davis across the street has been very worried about you. She told me to tell you to come visit, when you felt better. She generously offered us the use of her pool, and, I took her up on it. She knows you're coming. I told her that you would appreciate taking a little swim, before breakfast. Mrs. Davis said, that would be just fine. And, that maybe later today you could stop by for a little visit. Nice woman. Don't you think?"

"Yes. But, does Mrs. Davis know that the SWAT team, here, is bringing me? And, does she know I will be dressed in my underwear?"

"Follow me, boys." Dee led the way. "I doubt that Mrs. Davis would be surprised by much that we do, by now, Blue. Do you? I mean, really. If it weren't for us, she'd have died of boredom, by now. Bless her heart."

Out our front door, and lining the street were 3 patrol cars. The neighbors would be wondering what was going on. Those that didn't know that Dee was a cop, anyway. We lived in a very nice house, in a very affluent neighborhood. It was owned by Dee's father who was an oil executive. But, he lived in Saudi Arabia, and would probably never come home, except for holidays. Dee and I split the expenses of the upkeep. Our relationship was very close, but did not include sex. We were great as housemates.

My feet dangled, as I was carried by under my arms, across the street by two huge, police officers. Dee picked a path across the street, up our neighbor's driveway, through our neighbor's rear gate, and into her backyard. I glanced up towards Mrs. Davis balcony, off her bedroom, on the second floor of her home. I couldn't SEE her. But, I swear, I could feel her.

I thanked God, daily, that my bedroom, and the gazebo, were not within her view. Mrs. Davis got the R rated version of life on our side of the street. The X rated stuff, was well obscured from her good natured and curious view. But, there was ALWAYS SOMETHING going on.

And, now, here I was, in my underwear, about to get deposited into her lap pool, by two armed, and armored police officers. I braced myself for the inevitable, and prayed that the water was heated. It was late October, and the temperatures were cooling off, in Texas.

"Alright, officers. Drop Ms. Blue into the water, in the deep end. I want her hair WET. Make sure that she does not emerge from that pool, for at least 15 minutes. This is for therapeutic purposes." Dee stood by, arms against her chest, thumb clasped in her fist, elbows close to her sides. "MY therapeutic purposes, that is. HAH!"

"Gyad, Dee. Come off it. I'll go peacefully. I know when I have been had." And, I really did mean it. I felt loved. Dee went to a lot of trouble, to bust me out of my funk. I was ready to get over it, and move on. Really.

I took a deep breath. The officers dangled me over the deep end of the pool at a safe distance from the edge, and then just released their grip and dropped me in. I plunged in deep, as I was feet first, and I dropped pretty much straight down, cutting through the water with little resistance. I grabbed my nose, trying to keep the water out.

"Mission accomplished, guys. Let's roll before we're missed by the station." Dee watched me under the water and retreated with her associates, as they hot footed their rookie butts back to their patrol cars.

The water was cool. Not terribly, though. Just enough of a shock to my system, to do me some good. I pushed off of the bottom of the pool, a little, and stroked through the water, towards the shallow end. I could hold my breath for a long time. I had a pool, all of my life, growing up. And, I was on the swim team, in high school. I gave it up for the rodeos- but, that's another story.

I made it to the shallow end of the pool, and part of the way back to the deep end, before I came up for air. I tilted my head back, upon breaking the surface of the water, to keep my hair back. I wiped the water out of my eyes and nose. My vision cleared after a few blinks. I looked around, and I was alone. I heard the gate close. "Bye, Blue!"

Dee, and her fellow officers were gone.

I loved that young woman.

I got out of the pool. Of course, no one had thought to bring a towel. I walked, dripping, back across Mrs. Davis's meticulously manicured lawn, through her rear gate, back down her long driveway, and across the street, to the house where Dee and I lived together.

I went in the door, peeling off my wet clothes, in the foyer. I wadded up my stuff, and carried it with me, naked, wet, and dripping, towards the first available towel. I decided to go through the formal dining room, and through the kitchen, and across the 36 foot den, to my bedroom suite.

I closed the door behind me. I poured myself some water, and found some aspirin in the medicine cabinet.

I decided to go to sleep. Because, when I got up, I was going to take a shower, and get dressed, and go out. I was through feeling sorry for myself. I was being ridiculous, anyway.

I reminded myself, that if I was going to give in to the opportunity for casual sex, that I needed to remain detached. And, if I couldn't be adult about it, then I didn't need to be fooling around like that.

I put on some pajamas, toweled my hair dry, and got into bed. I fell right to sleep.



Later that night, the G-Spot (my favorite lesbian bar) was packed with people, and rife with possibilities. I had awakened from my nap, with a whole new attitude. I was in the mood for some conversation. I made my way across the crowded room towards the bar, and I found a bar stool. A petite, blond, with long, straight hair, sitting on the next stool was someone that I knew. I also knew someone that she used to date. She had been to my home, on many occasions, for social gatherings. Very nice to run into her. I ordered a diet cola from the bartender.

Juanita was the blond's name. She had been in the Army. She and I shared a love for horses, and an aptitude for mechanical reasoning, and sometimes we tackled tough projects together. I was pretty feminine looking, but I wasn't a helpless female. We had done a brake job on her truck, once, when she was broke, and couldn't afford a mechanic; built a 35 foot wood privacy fence, with a custom gate for her girlfriend's house, and some other things. We had plenty to talk about.

After an hour of non stop chit chat, I had to visit the bathroom. I made my apologies, and started for the ladies room.

My heart leapt, as out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joie, the woman who I had recently been so bitterly disappointed by. She was at the other end of the bar, and across from Juanita, and me. Had I looked that direction, before, I would have noticed her. But, I was engrossed in conversation, and had not seen her.

I did not look at Joie. I did not turn my head in her direction, or hesitate, or indicate in any way that I had seen her. I was dead smooth. And, I continued towards the bathroom, as if I was completely unaware of her presence.

I remained cool, and thought hard. In the bathroom, I decided that I just wanted to do the right thing. And, while I am rather an exhibitionist, and somewhat of a wildwoman- I respect people, and their privacy, and their boundaries. I do not push myself on others. Nor do I wish to hurt anyone. So, I decided to be over it. Joie had as much right to be in the bar, as I did. And, if she didn't want me in her life, that was something I just had to get over. And, the bar was big enough so that we could stay out of each other's way. And, I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of seeing me react. And, I wasn't about to embarrass myself, or act like a fool. I was so glad she didn't know how hard I had taken her ........rejection....for lack of a better word.

So, I visited the ladies room, and returned to the bar. (YES. I washed my hands.) And, I resumed my conversation with Juanita, never mentioning a single thing about Joie, or what had happened with her, or my behavior over the last 11 days. Juanita and I talked about breaking a couple of my dad's colts to ride (my dad had/has horses), in the spring. My dad, and his ranch hand were too old to do it, anymore. We agreed to start working on the colts in March. It was now late October. Juanita talked about her ex girlfriend, and brought me up to date on what was happening in their lives. We talked about EVERYTHING but Joie.

Juanita and I chatted for two hours. Finally, Juanita decided that she needed to go home, and we bid our goodbyes, with promises of seeing each other soon.

Juanita left out the back door. She lived close by, and had walked over. I decided to leave, too. And, I went out the front door, where my little red RX7 was parked.

I sorted my keys out on my ring, and found my car key. Before I could get it into the lock, I heard someone call my name.

"Blue." It was Joie. She had followed me out of the bar. I remained calm.

I looked up, and waited for her to say something. She didn't. She just looked at me.

So, I opened my car door, preparing to get in.

"Wait, Blue! You're not even going to say anything to me?" Joie's hair was black and shiny, under the bright lights of the parking lot. She wore grey wool slacks, with a vest over a light sweater.

"What would you like for me to say, Joie? Apparently you are offended by me, and did not think I was worth trying to understand. Now, I'm trying to respect your space. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just trying to leave you alone."

"What is with all of the guns?," Joie asked.

The guns? So THAT was it? I guess we did have a lot of guns laying around our house. But, Dee was a cop, and she liked her guns. And, I was raised around guns. My father educated us about guns. The difference between a rifle and a shotgun, and the power behind all of their various calibers and gauges, and how to use, disassemble, and reassemble both, and all about ammunition, with its various powers, tips, shot, etc.. Pistols, and automatic weapons, too. I have fired an AK-47. My dad had a gun collection. So did both of my brothers, and, I guess, just about everyone else that I knew. And, they all hunt, shoot targets, and go to shooting ranges, and shoot skeet. We were taught gun safety from birth, and taught how to shoot a .22 rifle, by the time we were 5 years old. I, personally, have always kept a shotgun, and I love to shoot skeet. I have a Remington 870 Wingmaster 12 gauge shotgun. In my bedroom. So, I don't give guns a second thought. Unless, of course, I'm at the wrong end of one. The more I thought about it, the more I kind of didn't believe that was "it".

"The guns?," I hoped for clarification.

"There are guns all over your house. It scared me to death. I don't know you, Blue. And, frankly, you're pretty weird. But, I'm sorry that I left the way that I did. Now, I'm sorry, anyway. At the time, well....."

"Well, Joie, sometimes being weird is not a bad thing."

Joie walked over to me. She bent to kiss me. I let her, for a second, but pulled back. I tried to remain detached.

"Joie. I hesitate to go any further than this." I looked at the ground. I reflected on the last two weeks.

"I'm going with you, Blue." I looked up at her. She looked me in the eye. I looked back. Neither of us smiled.

I walked around the back of my car, to the passenger side, and opened the door for her. I wasn't so sure that this was such a good idea. Dee was going to be pissed, after putting up with me, for the last 11 days. And, then, here I go, again.

I walked around to my car door. Joie had unlocked it for me.

Sometimes you've just got to say, "what the hell."


It was a short ride home. Which was good, because we rode in silence. It was midnight. I had not had any alcohol. And, I was confused. I was reluctant to be excited. Things felt so heavy, I even forgot to turn on the radio. So, Joie punched the power button. Savage Garden's "Truly, Madly, Deeply".

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do ...

Joie quickly changed the station. She landed it on Sugar Ray's "Fly"

I just wanna fly
Put your arms around me, baby, put your arms around me baby I just wanna fly
Put your arms around me, baby, put your arms around me baby
I just want to fly-

That was more like it.

We pulled up into my driveway, leaving Dee room to go around, and pull her car into the 3 car garage, when she got home. Joie opened her car door, before I could go around, and open it for her. I let her catch up with me, and I took her hand, and we walked up the brick path to the house.

Once inside, Joie was eager to kiss me. She put her arms around me, and pulled me close, and kissed me long, and deep. Her tongue felt good and familiar. Her arms fit so nicely around me. I had longed for this. I had not dared to let the desire for her formulate into an idea to torture myself with. But, I had craved her. And, I burned for her, now. And, I surrendered, right then, to my desires.

We went through the dining room, and then through the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of wine, and a couple of glasses.

"I'm sorry, Blue. I'm sorry I left the way I did. But, I hope you understand. I'm not used to having guns around. In my world, guns are only used for one thing. They are equalizers. My mom was single. Divorced. She raised nine of us. As you can imagine, life got hard, sometimes. Some of my brothers have been to prison. I associate guns with violence. Not sport, or law and order." Joie explained, as we walked towards my bedroom.

"Joie. I will put my shotgun in the closet, if it will ease your mind. It has been my experience, that most intruders will leave, upon hearing that unmistakable sound, of racking the pump, on my 12 gauge. It is here, solely for our protection, and to blow up an occasional round of clay pigeons."

"Blue. Make love to me," Joie requested, her voice hoarse. Her words were unexpected, and the shock of her request sent a jolt of sudden, intense sexual arousal through my body. I caught my breath. She looked at me with a smoldering look that I could not refuse. Not that I considered refusing. Her eyes burned into mine. The next thing I knew, we were in my bedroom.

I put the wine on a serving tray, on my big, mahogony dresser. I pulled the cork with a corkscrew, and poured a glass, and handed it to Joie. She took a drink. I poured a glass for myself, and carried it to my night stand. I went to my desk, and turned on my ultra bass boom box. I loved the lows of my subwoofers. The blues sounded so good that way. I powered up the music, and Jewel sang, "Have a Little Faith in Me".

We undressed. Watching each other. Any inhibitions that we had ever felt with each other, were gone. This time, I remembered to offer Joie some hangers. lol

We got into my bed, wearing only our underwear. I sighed, "it feels so good to hold you." And, we moved our bodies tightly together, enjoying the closeness. Memories of the last night I spent with her, tripped across my mind, elevating my excitement at her presence. I wanted her.

It felt so natural and comfortable to make love to Joie. I lay beside her, propped up on one arm, kissing her, and caressing every inch of her skin, with my wandering hands. I enjoyed her curves, and her smooth, cool, flesh under the touch of my hand.

"Touch my pussy, Blue. I want to feel your hand, down there. I'm so hot for you, Blue," she whispered in my ear. Her words turned me on. I moved my hand, where she wanted it to be. I rubbed the mound of curly black hair, through the fabric of her panties. The crotch felt damp. I slipped my hand under the elastic of her underwear, and pushed my hand further down, pushing my fingers between the folds of her fleshy lips. Her cunt was soaking wet. She really was excited. Joie rolled over onto her back, raised her hips, and slipped her underwear off.

"All I've been able to think about since I last saw you, was how good it felt, when we were together. How good you made me feel, when we made love. I wanted to come back. I think maybe the guns were just an excuse. I might have been more afraid of the way that you make me feel, than I was afraid of the guns in your house. I was kind of embarrassed. I'm sorry Blue."

"Yeah," I whispered, "I thought your excuse sounded a little lame." We bothed laughed.

For some reason, her apology brought tears to my eyes. I fought them back, and wiped them away, before they were noticed. I hoped. How uncool would THAT be? I fought back emotion. I tried not to be in love with her.

"Kiss me, Blue," Joie whispered. There was an urgency in her voice. She wanted to fuck. So did I. I kissed her. Joie's tongue sought mine. My hand moved back to her hot, wet, pussy. I parted the springy hair, and found her clit. She moaned her pleasure, and moved her hips. "Put your fingers in me, Blue," Joie grabbed my hand in hers, and pushed my fingers into her cunt, squeezing her legs together. She thrust her hips upwards, pushing my fingers further inside of her, while her clit was pressed hard against my hand, by her vice like thigh grip. "MMMmmmmmm," she moaned. "Oh, my GOD! That feels so fucking GOOD."

Joie released her grip on my hand, parting her legs, exposing her pussy, and allowing me to stroke her clit. Her excitement was mounting. My fingers were still slick with the wetness from inside her hot, tight pussy, where they had just been, thrusting into her. My heart was pounding against her breast, my breath quickened by my passion, as my excitement intensified with each stroke of my fingers. My own cunt was throbbing, and I was dying to feel Joie inside of me. I couldn't believe she was back in my bed with me. I was ecstatic.

I guided Joie's hand down to my cunt. She knew I needed to feel her touch there. The desire and anticipation was too much to endure. She slid her fingers deep inside of me, easily going in all of the way in, with no resistance. My cunt was soaked, too. She fucked her fingers into me. We faced each other, side by side, kissing, and stroking our fingers into each other's pussy.

When Joie's fingers pushed inside of me, it raised her excitement to a different level. She was right on the edge of coming, I could tell. I rolled Joie onto her back, and kissed her, my fingers still inside of her. I bent my head down to find her erect nipple. I sucked the bud into my mouth, and let the nipple slide in and out between my lips, sucking enough to keep it in my mouth, as I moved my head. I rolled her nipple with my tongue, and nipped it hard enough to hurt just a little, with my teeth.

"AAaaaahhhhhh!!!," Joie cried, in pleasure, "I'm coming, Blue. God." Joie's body stiffened for an instant, before she was shaken by the spasms of her climax. "Ooooh, baby."

Joie's climax sent me over the edge, too. I pushed my cunt hard against Joie's thigh, thrusting rythmically as my own cunt spasmed in clasping, throbbing orgasm.

Joie rolled over on top of me. She rubbed her cunt against mine. I parted my legs a little, to allow better contact. I could feel her still swollen clit, still exposed, actually touching my own clit, which was swollen from it's own orgasm. It was such an erotic feeling. Breasts to breasts. Clit to clit. Her mouth locked with mine in a passionate kiss, as our hearts slowed to a normal beat, and our muscles relaxed.


As we lay spent in each other's arms, my mind wandered to cosmic places, and a thought occurred to me, which I felt oddly compelled to communicate.

"Joie?," I whispered.

"Yes, baby?"

"You know how sometimes you meet someone, and it just feels like you've known them forever?," I asked sweetly.

Joie hesitated before answering with a tentative "yes?"

"Well," I said, "that ain't us."

Joie started laughing. I laughed, too.

"Yeah, baby, but we fuck like we've known each other forever," Joie defended.

We were both quiet.


"Well, that's a start," I said, grinning in the darkness. "It'll give us something to do, while we get to know each other." Joie snuggled against me. The stereo was playing Ann Peebles "I Can't Stand the Rain". We drifted off to sleep.




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