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See "Relationships" for Blue Sleighty's new series of articles written in pursuit of better sex- "How to Love Your Lesbian From Her Head to Her Toes"

High School Senior 'Comes Out' at Assembly:


Advice from Blue Sleighty

Blue Sleighty is a top rated expert at . You may write her from the website using a form for personalized help, or
Here are some of Blue's FAQ's:

Q: I am a female who gets turned on by lesbian pornography and erotica. Does this mean that I am gay?

A: Not neccesarily. What "turns us on" sexually, is not always a defining factor of our sexual orientation. There are many women that really LOVE to watch gay men together, but, obviously could never participate in that even if they wanted to. There are people that get turned on by many different things throughout their lives. Some have elaborate fantasies that involve things that will never happen in reality. Like being kidnapped by aliens and having sex in strange new ways and in strange new worlds.

So- don't let it worry you that it turns you on to see women having sex together. Do not even worry if you fantasize about having sex with another woman.

Unless you become compelled to actually have sex with a woman- then it does not necessarily define your sexual orientation.

If you DO engage in sex with another woman- that does not make you gay. That just means you had an unusual sexual experience.

If you have sex with another woman, and decide that you have found what was missing in your life, and can't imagine living your life with a man as your life's mate- then you are probably a lesbian.

Q: How can I tell if she is a lesbian?

A: It has become more difficult to trust "gaydar". I used to be darned good at being able to tell who was a lesbian and who was not by just looking. However, times have changed. Not all women are as concerned with femininity as they once were. Also, women tend to experiment sexually more than they used to. The signals have become somewhat scrambled as a result.

If you are in a lesbian bar you can pretty safely assume that most of the women in the bar are lesbians.

Meeting prospective dates in bars can be difficult, however. Most women find it too scary to be assertive enough to actually take things to the next level (a date, or whatever) after a night of conversation. Fear of rejection is usually at the root of the problem. I have found that if you go to the same bar every day for a month or so, and let everyone get to know you- you will have better luck meeting someone. It builds confidence and it might also help you to overcome your nervousness.

For me, personally, joining MYSPACE has been the absolute best way to meet other lesbians that I have ever experienced. I have met MANY, MANY available women who have become my friends. I also met my current girlfriend through MYSPACE.

I do not mean to sound like a MYSPACE pusher, but it makes things so much EASIER. MYSPACE makes it possible to "shop" available lesbians in your area. By selecting the right search criteria, you know if the women are lesbians from the beginning. You can get to know them and see what they are about and who they associate with. It is not as confrontational as meeting someone in a bar. (actually there are many lesbians that won't go to bars) You can correspond with women who interest you and get more acquainted before you decide to actually meet them. And, it's just a heck of a lot of fun!


Q: I want to know more about female ejaculation.

A: Please visit this link: WHAT IS FEMALE EJACULATION?

Q: I would like information about "fisting".

A: ANSWER: I hesitate to discuss this at all as it is very dangerous.
. . . but soooo good.

My girlfriend engaged in fisting with an inexperienced partner 20 years ago, and was physically traumatized. She was enormously embarrassed when she nearly bled to death, had to go to the hospital and required surgery to repair her torn vaginal canal.

However, 20 years later, she and I frequently enjoy sex that includes fisting. I am very experienced in this sexual activity. It is what one would call EXTREME sex and can be quite dangerous, but very pleasurable for the receiver and the giver if done correctly. If not done correctly, the receiver can be injured, and even die were she to suffer trauma or embolism.

Therefore- this is an act that leaves one very vulnerable, and requires a lot of trust and communication.
Fisting is the ultimate penetration, I would think. And it is an awesome experience to share with your lover.
If your lover is not reading this article with you (or does not seek education about the act if she has never done it) - then fisting is NOT for you. This is an act that must be agreed upon and be experienced as a couple. This is NOT an act to engage in with a casual acquaintance or approached in a casual way.

- HOW do you do it?

For this act to be pleasurable, your LOVER must WANT to be penetrated in this way. It is mostly about her and not about the performer. HER desire to have your FIST inside of her comes from intense feelings of arousal and passion and love. You can not and must not try this if your partner does not WANT you to do it. Do not talk a reluctant partner into it.

The basic things that you must be aware of, are the safety measures. So you must have trust, communication, desire, and plenty of . . . LUBRICATION.

In order to attempt penetrating your partner with your fist she must be very sexually aroused. There is a lot of foreplay involved. And it is best when you (the giver) are aroused as well.

After engaging in enough foreplay for your partner to want penetration, and imagine your fist inside of her, you should ask first if she has not expressed the desire for you to do this.

Before attempting to engage in the sexual act of fisting- I recommend this checklist:

1. You, the PERFORMER (the partner who is about to perform this sexual act) have fingernails that are short and clean and have no sharp edges and you have clean hands
2. You, THE PERFORMER (the partner who is about to perform this sexual act) are capable of proceeding slowly, and capable of STOPPING if your partner says to STOP (this is not a time to be carried away by passion!)
3. You, THE PERFORMER (the partner who is about to perform this sexual act) have removed any and all jewelry that you wear on your hands. NO JEWELRY. No bracelets, no rings, or any other kind of jewelry. And, I discourage fisting when you are using sculpted nails, as well
4. Receiving partner – ABOUT TO HAVE THIS ACT PERFORMED ON YOU - must be capable of relaxing. You must trust your partner. Must feel comfortable with communication during sex, and must reconsider this sexual act if you have a “friable cervix”, or any other physical situation which would result in the presence of blood, including your menses cycle (period), unless you and your partner have agreed that it is alright if you are exposed to each other’s blood. This is not a good time for surprises

That said- here are my suggestions:

Once you and your partner feel that the time is right, foreplay should begin, and you should eventually alternate clitoral stimulation with digital vaginal penetration.

When the performer feels natural lubrication present from the receiver, she should start to penetrate the receiver’s vagina with her fingers, while still paying attention to the clitoris. Once the receiver is thoroughly lubricated and obviously willing, the performer should present more fingers into the receiver’s vagina, while still administering stimulation to the clitoris, and kissing the receiver, administering nipple stimulation, as well, if possible.

When the time comes that while administering digital penetration it is easy to slip four fingers inside of the receiver’s vagina, the couple can proceed towards penetration of the fist.

A good lubricant should be presented to the vagina at this point, even if the receiver is extremely wet from excitement, and stimulation should be continued. Always.

In order to present the fist into the vagina, the presenter should form a fist, and observe her fist (a mental observation is OK) to make certain that her fingertips have been carefully ‘curled under’, or padded against other fingers to protect the receiver from possible injury from sharp fingernails, and that the fist has a shape that will make it possible to penetrate the vagina easily, and allow for maximum stimulation.

The act of fisting affords the opportunity to massage the “G” Spot in a very intense way, as the presenter can twist her fist once inside of the receiver’s vagina and use her knuckles to massage the receiver’s “G” Spot more deeply and directly than by using a sex toy, or by digital penetration or by any other means that I am aware of.

Lubrication should be in place. The presenter’s fist should not be clenched as if the presenter were about to engage in a fight and use it as a weapon, but should have the fingers positioned as to configure what might resemble a cone shape (or a REALLY big penis head). This shape allows for easier penetration. The ‘fighter’s’ fist shape will absolutely not safely work for this sexual act and therefore should not be attempted.

The presenter should listen to, and obey the receiver. No means no. Slow means slow.

Once the presenter’s fist is inside of the receiver’s vagina, movement should be smooth and slow until the presenter’s fist feels accommodated within the receiver. The receiver will let you know how much, how fast and exactly how to proceed.

As the receiver becomes more accustomed to her lover’s entire hand being inside of her vagina, she will develop her own rhythm and hip movements and can be relied upon to communicate to the presenter what she believes feels best to her. The presenter should be aware that orgasms involve very powerful muscle contractions, and should your lover experience an orgasm while you are fisting- your hand could actually be subject to injury. Even as serious as a broken bone.

Done correctly- the act of fisting, in my estimation, can be the most exciting sexual act that you will ever engage in. It is the ultimate act of sharing, trust and respect. Communication. It is quite incredible. And THAT is what you can EXPECT from the experience.

Also expect to be a little sore the next day. That is normal.

Also- read what Susie Bright has to say about her exploration of fisting.

If you decide as a couple to do this- PLEASE – proceed with caution!



ABOUT ORAL SEX: Blue Sleighty's Oral Sex Guide (with a bit of humor)


 Mr. Limpy (perfect for packing!) by!

I have listed here some really good resources for exploring sex. From the beginner to the experienced, to the adventurous- I think you will find something here that you can use.

Some of the leading sex toy websites have created information resources that are excellent for providing very clear answers for just about any question.

My Secret Obsession's SexToySex Website has very exciting product demonstration videos. If you have ever wondered how it would be to use a strap on, or any of the other great sex toys available- these videos are not only a turn-on, they answer many questions, and prevent disappointing purchases. This sex toy shop ranks up there with the best of them. Secure and discreet!

I wanted to let you know that I am a distributor for the company that made the strap on harness that Jenny used in "that scene" on The L-Word.

Aside from the style that Jenny wore, there are even cooler ones.

Go to OUTLAW LEATHER and check them out. They are AWESOME. Best looking and functionally the best that I have EVER seen, and they can accommodate two dildos, one for each participant.

So- please check it out, and spread the word, girl! You have to write me directly for this. We will discuss the price. I think you will be pleased.

Blue (


A NUMBER ONE!- LATEX ALLERGIES! Latex Dildos are potentially very BAD for you! They absorb bacteria, they contain carcinogens (cancer causing chemicals), AND MANY PEOPLE ARE ALLERGIC TO LATEX! An allergic reaction to latex can KILL YOU! It can cause anaphylactic shock, which is potentially life threatening. At the very least, an allergic reaction to latex will cause burning and irritation, or a bladder infection. It can also damage your kidneys and liver. PLEASE BE CAREFUL! Buy silicone sex toys if you have experienced any strange reactions to latex, or if you know that you are allergic. Make sure your sex toy is 100% silicon, like VixSkin. Always use a condom. And, of course, if you are allergic to latex- use a non-latex condom, like the DUREX Avanti, or the Trojan Natural Lamb.

1. The harness that you choose is very important. I find, that for me, the "thong" style just doesn't work. Not enough control. I need a strap around each thigh, in order to keep the dildo snugly against me, and "centralized".

2. Leather is great looking. But, it wears out faster than nylon. Also, nylon is easier to wash. It dries faster, too. And, if you are in a big hurry, you can throw it in the clothes dryer.

3. The o-ring that the dildo fits through is important. It can be too small in circumference to accomodate the dildo that you intend to use. So, when you buy the harness, be sure that it has a big enough o-ring.

4. The length of the dildo is important. If it is too short (less than 7"), it will slip out of the vagina a lot, because it will be too short to control. And, that can be a big turn off, and be very frustrating.

5. What it looks like matters. It depends on the person. Some people are turned on by "foreign object" looking dildos. Some people are turned on by realistic looking dildos. I encourage discussion because that, too, can be a turn on.

6. I encourage you to make sure you know how to put it on, before you plan a night of fun with it. It's sexier that way.

7. Use a good water based lubricant.

8. Keep your sex toys clean, and use condoms with dildos. Dildos are absorbent, and therefore will absorb harmful bacteria.

Blue Sleighty is an expert at ALLEXPERTS.COM . Please do not hesitate to write if you have questions regarding sexuality, sexual orientation, writing / self publishing, or any other concern. Blue is here for you. This is absolutely free.b

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Hersband & Wife  ~GREAT SITE!
No question is off limits for this whimsical duo of lesbian advice columnists! No cynical or snide back chat here.

Hersband & Wife are partnered, they have children, work, play, pay taxes and have strong opinions, not always the same.

Through heartwarming Blogs and humorous anecdotal Vlogs H&W became an overnight grassroots internet sensation with web traffic in March 2007 breaking through the 3 Million mark.

Hersband is Butch/Stud!
Wife is Femme!
They are loud and proud!

You as LGBT have questions, and they as lesbians have answers. There are many ways to ask a question of this dynamic duo, no question is off limits.

Look for their column in your favorite lesbian rag.

From the heart of Hersband & Wife to the hearts of the GLBT&Q community They share their wisdom and life experiences of living an "out and proud" lifestyle like only they can.

A Woman's Good website that discusses some intimate issues.

Lesbian Lover's Guide This is a great website. And, it's free.




Ashley's Sex Toys

(with a bit of humor)


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